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Letter from a Mean Girl to Her Classmates

March 10th, 2008 by PurpleCar

Dear Classmates,

Many years have passed.  Most of you haven’t heard from me since the day we graduated from high school.  When the powers that be closed the doors of our school forever that day, I closed the doors on my past.  I left for another city and never returned to live in the area again.

Perhaps by now, all these years later, we have gained enough perspective to know that we were in a unique situation.  30 kids.  Practically empty school.  Teachers leaving us midway through the year (I had 18 study periods per week due to teacher attrition by that January).  Parents fighting with each other and the organization to keep the school open.  The tensions were high and our collective esteem was low.

Some of us may not want to be reminded of our time together in school.  Some of us have kept in contact with a few good friends.  I wanted to write you a short note to say that despite my absence, I think about all of us.  I wonder how we are all finding our way through the world after leaving such an insular and ultimately devastating school experience.  Perhaps most of you have fond memories that float above the painful ones, but I have yet to heal in some places.  Opening the senior yearbook instantly transports me back into that desperate feeling of being trapped.

This doesn’t mean that I wanted to get away from all of you.  Like many of us, my home situation mirrored the abandonment in our school environment.  I was just counting down the days until I could get to some place where I felt wanted.  Many of you tried to reach out to me, but it was too late; My eyes had been on the horizon since we were in 9th grade.  I’m so sorry if anger at my situation came out on you.  Looking back, it seems like many of us were feeling the exact same thing.  I forgive you, and hopefully you can come to forgive me too.

We all may not be ready this year, or next, or even for yet another decade, but I’m asking those of us who still harbor pain, including myself, to begin to think about letting it go.   Maybe if we let it go we can see each other again, we can talk and bring closure or new beginnings.  I’m not saying that we will all be best friends; we never were.  But maybe there is something left hanging for you, something that needs to be put to rest that can be.  I don’t know if anything good will come of it.  But I know we should try.

I truly hope you doing well. I look forward to hearing from you all someday.

Sincerely,

Christine

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    oh purplecar!!! Once again it seems that so much of who we are as adults remains a reaction to what we experienced in high school. I don't think its possible to overestimate the (often traumatic) effects of our high school years.

    I too went to a very small high school - about 70 in my class - and 20 years later am just now beginning to reconnect with some of the ppl who were my extended family from 6th thru 12th grade... and yet I find the pain of some events from high school remains as strong as ever... it keeps surprising me, and it keeps appearing.

    I wonder what it would take to make it all go away...
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    Kathryn, yes! A very small school. These classmates were like extended family to me, great way to explain it. It's hard to give strangers a picture of what life was like for us. Many of the kids I graduated high school with are the ones I started first grade with. 12 very formative years with the same kids, same families. We went through a lot together, many times very serious things like losing mothers to cancer or major reconstructive surgeries after accidents. And we fought like family rivals fight, too. At the time, it seemed like we hated each other, but I suspect that we hated the situation more. But as @Dayngr said via twitter, time heals. I'm betting on it. Thanks for commenting!
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    I'm still in contact with four girls I went to high school with (including one who I had lost touch with for over 20 years.) But despite the fact that each was my "best friend" at some point, my current relationship with each of them is distant. I have to accept some of the blame, but it's mostly a case of lives running at full speed in different directions. Even the Internet can't breach that it seems.

    Good luck reconnecting. I've never regretted getting back in touch with someone I haven't seen in years, even if all we got out of it was one fun conversation.
 

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