Comments on: To Friend or Not To Friend the Ex. http://www.purplecar.net/2009/02/05/to-friend-or-not-to-friend-the-ex/ A Taxi Service for Big Ideas Wed, 10 Mar 2010 06:32:51 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Teaching English in Taiwan http://www.purplecar.net/2009/02/05/to-friend-or-not-to-friend-the-ex/comment-page-2/#comment-1514 Teaching English in Taiwan Sat, 14 Nov 2009 12:26:26 +0000 http://www.purplecar.net/?p=449#comment-1514 Interesting post. I have made a twitter post about this. Hope others find it as interesting as I did. Interesting post. I have made a twitter post about this. Hope others find it as interesting as I did.

]]> By: Push My Follow: Episode 20 | The Relationship Show | Facebook http://www.purplecar.net/2009/02/05/to-friend-or-not-to-friend-the-ex/comment-page-2/#comment-1423 Push My Follow: Episode 20 | The Relationship Show | Facebook Thu, 03 Sep 2009 16:43:29 +0000 http://www.purplecar.net/?p=449#comment-1423 <!--%kramer-ref-pre%-->[...] post To Friend or Not to Friend the Ex. Annie’s post Facebook Connects the [...]<!--%kramer-ref-post%--> Kramer auto Pingback[...] post To Friend or Not to Friend the Ex. Annie’s post Facebook Connects the [...]

]]> By: monkeychick http://www.purplecar.net/2009/02/05/to-friend-or-not-to-friend-the-ex/comment-page-2/#comment-1207 monkeychick Mon, 25 May 2009 23:23:25 +0000 http://www.purplecar.net/?p=449#comment-1207 LOL. Thanks for the advice. Must have been a lonely evening thing because now I'm fine, not thinking of him and really wanted to smack myself in the head for even being curious about it. I don't want to get involved with the whole "baby daddy" thing, not me!! LOL <br><br>I'm pretty happy, ready to move this weekend and start my life over. Nothing wrong with having fun in the meantime!!<br><br>Thanks again. :) LOL. Thanks for the advice. Must have been a lonely evening thing because now I'm fine, not thinking of him and really wanted to smack myself in the head for even being curious about it. I don't want to get involved with the whole “baby daddy” thing, not me!! LOL

I'm pretty happy, ready to move this weekend and start my life over. Nothing wrong with having fun in the meantime!!

Thanks again. :)

]]> By: PurpleCar http://www.purplecar.net/2009/02/05/to-friend-or-not-to-friend-the-ex/comment-page-1/#comment-1206 PurpleCar Mon, 25 May 2009 02:27:08 +0000 http://www.purplecar.net/?p=449#comment-1206 Hi Monkey Chick!<br><br>Well, first let me say Congratulations on starting your new life. Divorce can be a beginning, too.<br><br>I usually keep my advice to online etiquette and computing issues, as I'm not a counselor, but I felt compelled to answer you. <br><br>I think you should treat this man as only a little more than a stranger. He's involved with a woman who is about to have his child. You do *not* want to get in the middle of that. Honestly, the guy sounds like he is looking for any way out of the<br>ridiculous yet serious situation his irresponsible behavior has gotten<br>him into. Don't give him that excuse.<br><br>Ask yourself if it is really this man that you want or is it the comforting idea that you *do* have good taste in men. By getting back together with an ex, it's as if you are proving to yourself that you had it right but just got off the path somehow. After divorce, that crushing sense of failure can put false hope in unhealthy places. Keep your FB and MySpace relations strictly to girlfriends and family for a while. Update daily so your friends can comment with their support. <br><br>Find yourself a good counselor. Your insurance company will have counseling practices that they work with, or ask a friend for a suggestion. Do not make any major moves with anyone, especially not an ex, until you are absolutely sure you are doing the right thing. You aren't a failure. You *will* find a man worthy of the person you're growing into. Give yourself some time to grow into that older, wiser, more confident and more beautiful person.<br><br> Come back in 9-12 months to let me know how it is going, OK? Good luck!<br><br>-PC<br><br><br><br><br><br>________________________________ Hi Monkey Chick!

Well, first let me say Congratulations on starting your new life. Divorce can be a beginning, too.

I usually keep my advice to online etiquette and computing issues, as I'm not a counselor, but I felt compelled to answer you.

I think you should treat this man as only a little more than a stranger. He's involved with a woman who is about to have his child. You do *not* want to get in the middle of that. Honestly, the guy sounds like he is looking for any way out of the
ridiculous yet serious situation his irresponsible behavior has gotten
him into. Don't give him that excuse.

Ask yourself if it is really this man that you want or is it the comforting idea that you *do* have good taste in men. By getting back together with an ex, it's as if you are proving to yourself that you had it right but just got off the path somehow. After divorce, that crushing sense of failure can put false hope in unhealthy places. Keep your FB and MySpace relations strictly to girlfriends and family for a while. Update daily so your friends can comment with their support.

Find yourself a good counselor. Your insurance company will have counseling practices that they work with, or ask a friend for a suggestion. Do not make any major moves with anyone, especially not an ex, until you are absolutely sure you are doing the right thing. You aren't a failure. You *will* find a man worthy of the person you're growing into. Give yourself some time to grow into that older, wiser, more confident and more beautiful person.

Come back in 9-12 months to let me know how it is going, OK? Good luck!

-PC

________________________________

]]> By: monkeychick http://www.purplecar.net/2009/02/05/to-friend-or-not-to-friend-the-ex/comment-page-1/#comment-1205 monkeychick Sun, 24 May 2009 22:17:03 +0000 http://www.purplecar.net/?p=449#comment-1205 Okay, I know this is an old post but it came up on Google. How about this for a situation. I'm separated, have been for five months and just waiting on the papers. My ex-boyfriend who was the boyfriend for four years sent me a message on myspace and FB (I think) and said he was sorry for everything, never meant to hurt me. This was a year and a half ago when I was still happily married and him still happily single. Fast forward to the situation now, I'm getting divorced, he's with a girl who was a friends with benefits girl that he got pregnant. She's due in a few weeks but he loves her a lot, just not enough to marry her, he says and they live together. Anyway, I live a couple of hours from where he lives (our hometown) and he was in the city I live in now for work stuff. He sent me a text (yes we have each others phone numbers because I asked for his a year ago) saying what was fun in my town. I explained the things we got and then I asked if he wanted me to take him around, show him some fun stuff. He said yes and asked where we were going. I didn't see it as a date, don't see it as a date. I talked about my husband or whatever he is and he talked about his girlfriend, a.k.a. baby momma, a.k.a., sex maniac lover. Needless to say we had a blast that night. Had dinner, a few drinks, talked about fun times and ended the night listening to music at a bar. Now I can't get the dude out of my mind!! Do you think he saw it as just a friend thing. He did hug me after our non-date, said it was great seeing me and hopes everything works out. We had a blast though, talked about old times, laughed A LOT. We are each others first everything, kiss, sex..all of the above. We tried each others drinks because "we've exchanged spit" tried each other food and all of that fun, date-like stuff. What do I do now? Okay, I know this is an old post but it came up on Google. How about this for a situation. I'm separated, have been for five months and just waiting on the papers. My ex-boyfriend who was the boyfriend for four years sent me a message on myspace and FB (I think) and said he was sorry for everything, never meant to hurt me. This was a year and a half ago when I was still happily married and him still happily single. Fast forward to the situation now, I'm getting divorced, he's with a girl who was a friends with benefits girl that he got pregnant. She's due in a few weeks but he loves her a lot, just not enough to marry her, he says and they live together. Anyway, I live a couple of hours from where he lives (our hometown) and he was in the city I live in now for work stuff. He sent me a text (yes we have each others phone numbers because I asked for his a year ago) saying what was fun in my town. I explained the things we got and then I asked if he wanted me to take him around, show him some fun stuff. He said yes and asked where we were going. I didn't see it as a date, don't see it as a date. I talked about my husband or whatever he is and he talked about his girlfriend, a.k.a. baby momma, a.k.a., sex maniac lover. Needless to say we had a blast that night. Had dinner, a few drinks, talked about fun times and ended the night listening to music at a bar. Now I can't get the dude out of my mind!! Do you think he saw it as just a friend thing. He did hug me after our non-date, said it was great seeing me and hopes everything works out. We had a blast though, talked about old times, laughed A LOT. We are each others first everything, kiss, sex..all of the above. We tried each others drinks because “we've exchanged spit” tried each other food and all of that fun, date-like stuff. What do I do now?

]]> By: Christine Cavalier http://www.purplecar.net/2009/02/05/to-friend-or-not-to-friend-the-ex/comment-page-1/#comment-1048 Christine Cavalier Tue, 03 Mar 2009 01:30:20 +0000 http://www.purplecar.net/?p=449#comment-1048 Hey TG thanks for coming and checking out PurpleCar. Your ex probably got a little gun shy, which happens. Don't worry to much about it. These kinds of connections really aren't worth much. It's when actual and consistent communication happens when the linkage gets real and worth emotional value. -PC Hey TG thanks for coming and checking out PurpleCar. Your ex probably got a little gun shy, which happens. Don’t worry to much about it. These kinds of connections really aren’t worth much. It’s when actual and consistent communication happens when the linkage gets real and worth emotional value. -PC

]]> By: topgold http://www.purplecar.net/2009/02/05/to-friend-or-not-to-friend-the-ex/comment-page-1/#comment-1037 topgold Mon, 02 Mar 2009 08:41:29 +0000 http://www.purplecar.net/?p=449#comment-1037 My experience is a little revealing. I watched an ex connect to me on Facebook, then remove the friend link, then remove her photo collection from Facebook. I think she's actually set up with another account, using a different last name. That kind of electronic erasure isn't normal in these cases. My experience is a little revealing. I watched an ex connect to me on Facebook, then remove the friend link, then remove her photo collection from Facebook. I think she's actually set up with another account, using a different last name. That kind of electronic erasure isn't normal in these cases.

]]> By: cc http://www.purplecar.net/2009/02/05/to-friend-or-not-to-friend-the-ex/comment-page-1/#comment-1033 cc Mon, 02 Mar 2009 01:38:00 +0000 http://www.purplecar.net/?p=449#comment-1033 Great, great post! Very good advice, all around. Love Mandate #1 message (“Hi. I found you on here and I just wanted to say, I was a real jerk. I’m sorry. I hope you are happy. I’m happy and I really wish the best for you.”). <br><br>I completely avoided social networking sites for years because of a stalker ex who made my life hell for a long time. Just now coming out of it but still waiting for the shoe to drop on me. Or be thrown at my head. Great, great post! Very good advice, all around. Love Mandate #1 message (“Hi. I found you on here and I just wanted to say, I was a real jerk. I’m sorry. I hope you are happy. I’m happy and I really wish the best for you.”).

I completely avoided social networking sites for years because of a stalker ex who made my life hell for a long time. Just now coming out of it but still waiting for the shoe to drop on me. Or be thrown at my head.

]]> By: PurpleCar http://www.purplecar.net/2009/02/05/to-friend-or-not-to-friend-the-ex/comment-page-1/#comment-1028 PurpleCar Fri, 27 Feb 2009 15:55:08 +0000 http://www.purplecar.net/?p=449#comment-1028 Exactly.<br><br>Thanks for commenting and bringing this up. It is a really good point and I should post about the whole photo thing separately. This is a brave new world; sharing photos used to be limited by geography and small scale exposure. "Teh interwebz" erases those barriers. Still, common courtesy should be our guide in this. Unfortunately, common courtesy seems to have been lost in the ether right now. I'm trying to snap people out of the haze. We could all use some reminders that, indeed, this isn't rocket surgery. Just because the tool is new doesn't mean the etiquette is.<br><br>Thanks again. I'll start working on the media post.<br><br>-PC Exactly.

Thanks for commenting and bringing this up. It is a really good point and I should post about the whole photo thing separately. This is a brave new world; sharing photos used to be limited by geography and small scale exposure. “Teh interwebz” erases those barriers. Still, common courtesy should be our guide in this. Unfortunately, common courtesy seems to have been lost in the ether right now. I'm trying to snap people out of the haze. We could all use some reminders that, indeed, this isn't rocket surgery. Just because the tool is new doesn't mean the etiquette is.

Thanks again. I'll start working on the media post.

-PC

]]> By: MS http://www.purplecar.net/2009/02/05/to-friend-or-not-to-friend-the-ex/comment-page-1/#comment-1027 MS Fri, 27 Feb 2009 15:45:27 +0000 http://www.purplecar.net/?p=449#comment-1027 Thanks for the response. I agree 100% with your comments. <br><br>I think most times, it is someone else ((an old friend) who posts old photos which may include someone's spouse with an ex and rarely, if ever the couple themselves. The problem with simply de-friending someone who may not take down a photo you deem objectionable is that the photo will still be seen by other people who may be common friends who may know what the photo is showing. However, I guess if that person values your friendship (on all levels and not just on FB), they would almost certainly agree to take it down. If not, I guess there is a bigger issue there that would need to be examined. Thanks for the response. I agree 100% with your comments.

I think most times, it is someone else ((an old friend) who posts old photos which may include someone's spouse with an ex and rarely, if ever the couple themselves. The problem with simply de-friending someone who may not take down a photo you deem objectionable is that the photo will still be seen by other people who may be common friends who may know what the photo is showing. However, I guess if that person values your friendship (on all levels and not just on FB), they would almost certainly agree to take it down. If not, I guess there is a bigger issue there that would need to be examined.

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