Comments on: To Friend or Not To Friend the Ex. http://www.purplecar.net/2009/02/to-friend-or-not-to-friend-the-ex/ A Taxi Service for Big Ideas. Sat, 11 Feb 2012 01:16:21 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: PurpleCar http://www.purplecar.net/2009/02/to-friend-or-not-to-friend-the-ex/comment-page-2/#comment-2833 PurpleCar Fri, 14 Oct 2011 00:11:00 +0000 http://www.purplecar.net/?p=449#comment-2833 That's a good and polite strategy. You can add a "Hey, I've come a long way and hope all is well with you, too. Saw you on here and just thought I'd say hello. I know we left on bad terms but I'm hoping we can reconnect as better people, just as friends" note with the friend request. But I'd have to suggest: if you don't hear back from the first request, don't friend again. Facebook is pretty reliable with friend requests. The first ignore should be sufficient for you to give up. Just MHO. -Christine That’s a good and polite strategy. You can add a “Hey, I’ve come a long way and hope all is well with you, too. Saw you on here and just thought I’d say hello. I know we left on bad terms but I’m hoping we can reconnect as better people, just as friends” note with the friend request.
But I’d have to suggest: if you don’t hear back from the first request, don’t friend again. Facebook is pretty reliable with friend requests. The first ignore should be sufficient for you to give up. Just MHO.

-Christine

]]> By: Adrian Bacon http://www.purplecar.net/2009/02/to-friend-or-not-to-friend-the-ex/comment-page-2/#comment-2832 Adrian Bacon Thu, 13 Oct 2011 23:55:00 +0000 http://www.purplecar.net/?p=449#comment-2832 On facebook, I message first (if possible) and leave the option to friend up to the ex. If no friend, maybe one or two further messages a couple of months apart, if still no response, then I go no contact. On facebook, I message first (if possible) and leave the option to friend up to the ex. If no friend, maybe one or two further messages a couple of months apart, if still no response, then I go no contact.

]]> By: PurpleCar http://www.purplecar.net/2009/02/to-friend-or-not-to-friend-the-ex/comment-page-2/#comment-2801 PurpleCar Mon, 05 Sep 2011 12:44:00 +0000 http://www.purplecar.net/?p=449#comment-2801 I'm glad you found it helpful now, though. You are always allowed to cut off communications. You are allowed to lay boundaries. No-one (who is sane) will fault you for it. -Christine Cavalier I’m glad you found it helpful now, though. You are always allowed to cut off communications. You are allowed to lay boundaries. No-one (who is sane) will fault you for it.
-Christine Cavalier

]]> By: Art http://www.purplecar.net/2009/02/to-friend-or-not-to-friend-the-ex/comment-page-2/#comment-2800 Art Mon, 05 Sep 2011 01:20:00 +0000 http://www.purplecar.net/?p=449#comment-2800 Wow you nailed it!  Thank you for sharing.  My ex be-friended me and we started the emails and the regrets and the tears and the bizarros,  after three years I'm still in hell.  What you did was amazing and right on.  I wish I read this back then. Wow you nailed it!  Thank you for sharing.  My ex be-friended me and we started the emails and the regrets and the tears and the bizarros,  after three years I’m still in hell.  What you did was amazing and right on.  I wish I read this back then.

]]> By: Deleting People From Facebook | Bill Cammack http://www.purplecar.net/2009/02/to-friend-or-not-to-friend-the-ex/comment-page-2/#comment-1898 Deleting People From Facebook | Bill Cammack Wed, 21 Jul 2010 00:26:19 +0000 http://www.purplecar.net/?p=449#comment-1898 [...] have people trying to add you that you have a history with, so you might end up deciding whether To Friend or Not To Friend the Ex! [...] [...] have people trying to add you that you have a history with, so you might end up deciding whether To Friend or Not To Friend the Ex! [...]

]]> By: PurpleCar http://www.purplecar.net/2009/02/to-friend-or-not-to-friend-the-ex/comment-page-2/#comment-1857 PurpleCar Fri, 18 Jun 2010 23:01:54 +0000 http://www.purplecar.net/?p=449#comment-1857 Man,<br><br>If it's a new relationship, people don't have to text or communicate daily. You're just getting to know each other. Give it time. She may have wanted to see some old mutual friends. Don't be too clingy or she'll bolt for sure. Find some of your own hobbies and interests. If she sees that you aren't hanging on her every text, it will go a long way. Get out there and do your own thing. Don't worry so much about what a new girlfriend does. She doesn't owe you any loyalty yet. You're just getting started! Who knows, once you get out to do your own things, it may be YOU who is going out to see old friends without her.<br> Peace!<br>-PurpleCar<br><a href="http://www.purplecar.net/" rel="nofollow">http://www.purplecar.net/</a> Man,

If it's a new relationship, people don't have to text or communicate daily. You're just getting to know each other. Give it time. She may have wanted to see some old mutual friends. Don't be too clingy or she'll bolt for sure. Find some of your own hobbies and interests. If she sees that you aren't hanging on her every text, it will go a long way. Get out there and do your own thing. Don't worry so much about what a new girlfriend does. She doesn't owe you any loyalty yet. You're just getting started! Who knows, once you get out to do your own things, it may be YOU who is going out to see old friends without her.
Peace!
-PurpleCar
http://www.purplecar.net/

]]> By: MNMan http://www.purplecar.net/2009/02/to-friend-or-not-to-friend-the-ex/comment-page-2/#comment-1856 MNMan Fri, 18 Jun 2010 22:18:49 +0000 http://www.purplecar.net/?p=449#comment-1856 Do you think her going to his birthday party at a bar is kosher? She told me she was going and that I shouldn't be concerned. I had work early so I wasn't about to go, but it's not like I was invited either. And she still hasn't called or texted since she told me she was going last night... Do you think her going to his birthday party at a bar is kosher? She told me she was going and that I shouldn't be concerned. I had work early so I wasn't about to go, but it's not like I was invited either. And she still hasn't called or texted since she told me she was going last night…

]]> By: PurpleCar http://www.purplecar.net/2009/02/to-friend-or-not-to-friend-the-ex/comment-page-2/#comment-1855 PurpleCar Fri, 18 Jun 2010 20:44:17 +0000 http://www.purplecar.net/?p=449#comment-1855 Hey Man.<br><br>Well, yeah. Fresh relationships are tough. It's hard to know how the other person really feels as much as you do for them. I have to say, when I was younger, I thought that I had to be nice to everyone. After all, it's how we women are raised. But as I got older and I saw the truth in what my (now) husband was saying about men and how they think, I stopped chatting with any exes. It's terrible to marginalize men in this way, but the fact is, the exes blew it and they had their chance. There are plenty of other men to talk to, ones I haven't slept with or loved. Ya know?<br><br>It's possible that your girlfriend may feel obliged to be nice to this man. As a man, you probably can't understand the overwhelming cultural pressure on women to "be liked" and to "be nice." I just turned 40 this year and it's taken me a decade to accept the fact that some people will ALWAYS think I'm a bitch, no matter what I do. Many women don't even get to that stage. Hey Man.

Well, yeah. Fresh relationships are tough. It's hard to know how the other person really feels as much as you do for them. I have to say, when I was younger, I thought that I had to be nice to everyone. After all, it's how we women are raised. But as I got older and I saw the truth in what my (now) husband was saying about men and how they think, I stopped chatting with any exes. It's terrible to marginalize men in this way, but the fact is, the exes blew it and they had their chance. There are plenty of other men to talk to, ones I haven't slept with or loved. Ya know?

It's possible that your girlfriend may feel obliged to be nice to this man. As a man, you probably can't understand the overwhelming cultural pressure on women to “be liked” and to “be nice.” I just turned 40 this year and it's taken me a decade to accept the fact that some people will ALWAYS think I'm a bitch, no matter what I do. Many women don't even get to that stage.

]]> By: MNMan http://www.purplecar.net/2009/02/to-friend-or-not-to-friend-the-ex/comment-page-2/#comment-1854 MNMan Fri, 18 Jun 2010 19:59:36 +0000 http://www.purplecar.net/?p=449#comment-1854 Thanks for this. I was feeling kinda down about the way my girlfriend was acting lately-- she's been talking with her ex. I guess I just need to realize that girls who have had a long serious relationship need to have some kind of contact with that person. My girlfriend is very open and honest with me, so I should not feel threatened, but it still kinda tugs at my heart a little. You seem to be a very rational person who can realize the cultural rules of those interactions with the ex, so I can hope and trust that my girlfriend does too. I just guess that I didn't (and to a certain extent still don't) understand why she needs to talk to him or see him at all. I never talk to my exs unless I'm telling them to leave me alone. And my guy friends only talk to an ex when they wanna fuck. So naturally I can see the ex's intentions only in that light. Do I think she knows that he is trying to get her back? Prolly not. And I don't think I can tell her that he's just trying to get in her pants either (unless I want a smack in the face). I really care about this girl and it's still a fresh relationship, so your story makes me want to let this one ride itself out. I just hope she'll cut him loose eventually Thanks for this. I was feeling kinda down about the way my girlfriend was acting lately– she's been talking with her ex. I guess I just need to realize that girls who have had a long serious relationship need to have some kind of contact with that person. My girlfriend is very open and honest with me, so I should not feel threatened, but it still kinda tugs at my heart a little. You seem to be a very rational person who can realize the cultural rules of those interactions with the ex, so I can hope and trust that my girlfriend does too. I just guess that I didn't (and to a certain extent still don't) understand why she needs to talk to him or see him at all. I never talk to my exs unless I'm telling them to leave me alone. And my guy friends only talk to an ex when they wanna fuck. So naturally I can see the ex's intentions only in that light. Do I think she knows that he is trying to get her back? Prolly not. And I don't think I can tell her that he's just trying to get in her pants either (unless I want a smack in the face). I really care about this girl and it's still a fresh relationship, so your story makes me want to let this one ride itself out. I just hope she'll cut him loose eventually

]]> By: slappadabassmon http://www.purplecar.net/2009/02/to-friend-or-not-to-friend-the-ex/comment-page-2/#comment-1817 slappadabassmon Thu, 22 Apr 2010 09:23:52 +0000 http://www.purplecar.net/?p=449#comment-1817 Exactly! Mahalos! Exactly! Mahalos!

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