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The usual what & where of breakfast these days

The usual what & where of breakfast these days

I don’t remember the first time I encountered The Lie. I grew up with a biting skepticism of all authority, for various (and quite valid) reasons, so I’m sure The Lie was something in my consciousness from the first moment of sentience. But I don’t remember when it began.

I do, though, remember the moment where The Lie was solidified in my mind. I was in 5th or 6th grade health class, run by the school’s short, balding blonde, white former-high-school-wrestler gym teacher. He was a nice guy, actually. His glasses were too big for his face, but this was the early 80s and travesties like that happened on the regular.

Mr. Gym Teacher was in the front of the room, sitting on our homeroom teacher’s desk. We were taking about nutrition. He brought up a popular cereal commercial. He didn’t have visuals, as the money for such luxuries in a small parochial school in a forgotten county of Pennsylvania was non-existent. The media wasn’t necessary; every cereal commercial was the same.

“You know how all the cereal ads say, ‘a good part of this nutritious –or complete –breakfast,’?” Mr Gym Teacher asked.

This phrase was so ubiquitous we needed no other reference. Every cereal ad narrarated that phrase over a huge bowl of the product along with 2 slices of buttered toast and a glass of orange juice. Some scenes included a glass of milk [more milk!] or other breakfast foods like eggs and bacon.

We all nodded in recognition. Generation X was inundated with cereal commercials during Saturday morning cartoons. (If Baby-Boomer-invented robot overlords ever take over the world and we Xers need a secret pass phrase to identify each other, “Part of this nutritious breakfast” would be it.)

Our teacher asked, “What is wrong with that breakfast?” We yelled out some answers: doesn’t have enough fruit; no jam on the toast; the cereal was too sugary.

“No,” he said. “How many of you eat that much food at breakfast?”

Mic drop. Silence hit the room. No-one raised a hand. Until that second, I didn’t realize I had been wholly believing the lie those ads were telling. I’d felt shame my family couldn’t offer such “complete” breakfasts every morning.

In reality, our mornings were more mad-rushes to the bus than merry meets of the family. Orange juice was just not done, let alone toast and butter. It was cereal or nothing, and we had a bowl of cereal if we were lucky enough to have time to eat it and enough milk in the house. No milk meant no cereal at all. Powdered milk was an attempt to fill in the gaps but it was rejected outright by my brothers and me. The neighbor kids were out of any kind of milk more often than not, due to their (worse) poverty. They couldn’t understand why we simply didn’t try water or eat it dry. With milk being such a rare commodity in our whole apartment complex, we never, and I mean never, had a glass of it alone like the kids in the commercials. That would’ve been a selfish sin of the most cardinal kind.

Yet here I was, faced with the incongruent image in my head and the reality of not one hand raised. Didn’t middle class people, like my fellow students, who lived in big houses with big kitchens and two parents automatically have “complete breakfasts?” There I was, probably the most broke student in the class, and I wasn’t the only one that didn’t get a “nutritious” breakfast every day. The shock of it! With that small lesson, my teacher told me I was OK, that although I didn’t have the big kitchen or the fancy meals, I was normal (at least in this).

I’d love to say at that moment, as a young girl, I was anointed with holy wisdom and I dropped my obsession with escaping my less-than-ideal circumstances. After all, if the middle class breakfast was a falsehood, perhaps my higher-socio-economic-as-salvation was a bad theory, too.

That thought was cast out of my little brain as quickly as it came in. The “Does money really make one happier?” question still is a biggie for me. But now as an adult I can say it carries with it the “Lie” label. According to research, money can help one be happy. After a certain point, though, it is no help at all. Where that point exists is up to you.

Lately The Lie has taken over public dialogue, specifically around the 2016 Presidential Race. The Lie isn’t the candidates’ promises or their faults. It’s the illusion that ranting and raving on Facebook helps. It doesn’t. We’re all in a mad rush to work. To school. To the hospital. But The Lie has us thinking we’re the only ones. It separates us. It takes over our theories about life. It deludes us with unhappy goals. No-one ever eats that much vitriol for breakfast. Stop serving it.

As an adult, my challenge, now that I have the kitchen, the house, and as much milk as I could possibly drink, is to root out where The Lie is in my daily life. My suspicion hovers around wrinkles and looking younger. The beauty ads never say anything about FEELING younger, do they? That’s left to the vitamin spots.

Yet, I buy the creams and I take the vitamins.

That’s the thing, though, isn’t it? You can never find a good gym teacher when you need one. It’s up to me to decide where my beauty cream regimen ends, where my expensive pill tolerance peaks, or where my money/happiness point is.

I do know one thing: I have enough milk in the fridge. I married a man who keeps it stocked. 🙂

Choose well, Friends.

Photo Credit: Laura Blankenship on Flickr

Video: DigThatBoxTOYS on YouTube



A gang of heavily armed thieves bound and gagged a woman, then robbed her

Sounds terrifying, doesn’t it?


Here are some more headlines that portray the reality of the crime:

“Robbers took millions in jewelry from Kim Kardashian”

“Thieves with guns bound and gagged Kim Kardashian during brazen heist”

“Armed thieves attacked tv star by posing as paparazzi”

These headlines put the onus (and the active verbiage) of the crime on the perpetrators, not on the victim. Really makes a difference, doesn’t it?

Notice how other headlines portrayed the incident:

Kim Kardashian West Robbed of Millions in Jewelry in Paris” NBC News

Kim Kardashian West Unharmed After Being Held at Gunpoint” E! Online

Kim Kardashian West’s Robbers Likely Posed as Paparazzi Before Attack” People.com

According to recent studies reported in the Atlantic, the order of the perpetrator/victim in the headlines of a crime affects how much victim-blaming occurs in the incident’s aftermath (and active-vs.-passive verbiage, I dare to add). As we’ve seen with this case, Ms. Kardashian was victimized again by tweeters-with-blame, including famed designer Karl Lagerfeld.


Instead of blaming the vicious, soulless sociopaths who attacked a woman, tweeters blamed Kim for being a target for robbery. Kim “displays” her wealth too much, said Lagerfeld. She shouldn’t be on social media, said the masses –on social media, ironically.

Victim-blaming lets us shield ourselves from the truth that bad things do indeed happen to good people (like us!). Meaning: It is hard to accept that we are in danger when we go out into the world, no matter what we do.

Having empathy for victims means we must absorb and live with that truth. Doing so proves too difficult for many people.  When women get raped When rapists rape women, the headlines lead with the woman as the subject. She is the object in the sentence. She was raped A criminal raped her, but the headlines start with her as the active subject of the sentence. (See the Atlantic article for the Dan/Lisa example).

Let’s start by changing the way we say things: Brock raped (he’s not “a swimmer” anymore, he’s a rapist). Let’s change the way we see people (seemingly normal people rape). <- Yes! That’s a scary thought! Take a deep breath and deal with that fear. You’ll be a more empathetic person and society will benefit.

While it is OK to talk about how to keep oneself safe in a dangerous world, it is not OK to bring up that subject in the same article as reporting a crime. Safety talk and crime reporting are two distinct actions, and keeping them apart is the right thing to do. Victim-blaming serves to make us feel better (not safer), but confronting a culture that unburdens criminals of blame would make the world a better and safer place for us all.


Photo Credit: Yuvi Panda on Flickr


BarCamp News Innovation: October 15, 2016


From Technically Philly:

“The eighth annual Barcamp News Innovation returns to talk news process and editorial process.  Rather than the spring, this year we’re hosting the one-day unconference Saturday, Oct. 15 in the newly renovated Temple University Annenberg Hall.

More than 150 people attended last year, including representatives from the New York Times, Washington Post, NBC Nightly News, Business Insider, Google, Yahoo, Philadelphia Inquirer, Mozilla, Vox Media and many more. There were big consumer brands and B2B publishers and freelancers and editors and just about anyone a part of sharing information with communities.

It’s the biggest annual celebration of publishers, journalists, editors and content creators in Philadelphia. We want content strategists, podcasters and other media specialists to join us.”

This year the organizers have moved the event from the springtime to the fall. October 15th is the date. An entire Saturday filled with great knowledge-sharing and cross-cultural (i.e. journalism and internetters) exchange. I think I’ve been in attendance every year since its inception. Go the BCNI Philly website to register now. It’s like, $15. Total bargain. Usually includes bagels and coffee and lunch… and a lot of DOPE KNOWLEDGE. You should come.






Curated newsletters as a trend


For the past several months, I’ve been getting Dave Pell’s daily newsletter, entitled Next Draft. In it, Pell curates interesting links on general topics, clustering two or three related articles together in each entry. He gets sponsorship for his efforts. Lately he’s been sponsored by Betabrand, the company that stalks me with its Black Wool Sweater on Facebook. (I have yet to buy one but the very funny exchange I had with the company is now legendary amongst my FB followers. Link will be below).

About 50% of what Dave links is something I’ve already seen, because, you know, I’m online too (much). What makes Dave’s letter fun is his paragraph of commentary that goes with the links he sends. It’s also interesting to see which second and third link he adds to the main one. His curation is like water cooler takeout: a curious little pre-constructed conversation in a cup. It’s a vastly improved way to absorb current events.

Today my friend Chris Wink from Technically Media posted his curated letter today, and yesterday my friend Briana Morgan from the Philly Area New Media Association revived her curated-links-and-personal-news email. (Both Chris and Briana used TinyLetter. Not sure which software Dave Pell uses).

These curated newsletters (without pictures, even!) are heads and shoulders above the Instapaper, etc. aggregate apps popular on Twitter for two main reasons.

  1. They aren’t crowded “newspaper like” presentations
  2. Each link comes with a comment from the sender

It’s nice to think a collection of links sent to me was sent with some thought behind it. Briana and Chris had their own news to share, too, in and amongst other issues (and Dave usually throws in his own life facts). Basically these curated newsletters are  condensed and directly-delivered Facebook feeds without the drama and with better personal connection. I’ve been thinking about starting my own for a while but I never seem to pull the trigger.

Watch this space. I’ll let you know here if I finally point and shoot.


The BSWS and me. Betabrand’s funny responses to my protests. Storify

Christopher Wink’s newsletter reboot

Briana Morgan’s sign-up page on Tiny Letter

Dave Pell at Nextdraft.com  (where I stole the image from)



Hooked: How to Build Habit Forming Products by Nir Eyal with Ryan Hoover (Review)

Wondering how to leverage the latest in Applied Psychology to get your app to go viral? HOOKED is the user’s manual every 21st century appdev needs.

But for the rest of us, it’s a trap.


Awakening the Force

In my professional capacity as a human behavior expert, I’m asked to review early versions of applications. Rather than tell them what to design, I ask specific questions of the team. The questions are meant to wake developers up to human issues they may encounter when end-user humans use their app. I don’t wait to hear a team’s responses because the questions I ask aren’t answered easily. Oftentimes getting to an answer requires not only some deep thinking but some (unexpected) soul-searching.

Usually I email the team the list of questions after reviewing their app. If I’m there in person, my fee goes way up. Why? Because then it’s something akin to a group counseling session. But such efforts are worth it, both to humanity and to the start-up’s bottom line. Unfortunately, the appdevs of the world are not able to reach out to experts they know could help because those in charge just want the code. The investors want a “MVP” (minimally viable product, i.e, a partially operational Death Star) yesterday.

Appdevs should buy HOOKED and hand it over to their higher-ups. Eyal and Hoover methodically deconstruct example after example of habit-forming apps while highlighting the psychological principles behind each design decision. Even end-users could benefit from reading HOOKED; They might let themselves – and their teens – off the hook for being addicted to Facebook or Snapchat (respectively, of course).

HOOKED was released in 2014, so many in-depth reviews already exist. I’m a little late to the game, but Nir Eyal recently sent me a copy for review.

Reviews I’ve read online seem overwhelmingly positive and I would have to agree. HOOKED is an appdev manual, a tech manifesto and a psych 101 textbook all-in-one. If you aren’t a developer but you like Behavioral Economics, HOOKED is a quick and informative read.

HOOKED falls short, though, in two key areas, and these are the same areas the start-up/appdev world falls short: 1. An overwhelming emphasis on the commercial rewards of designing a good app. 2. Only about two hundred words to address to the problem of trolls (should be a whole chapter in the very least).

Darth Venture

Something went wrong in the state of tech. Somehow the disease of quick money has morphed from a trend into a way of life. Observe how casually Eyal reasons the use of his tome:

“Companies that form strong user habits enjoy several benefits to their bottom line. These companies attach their product to internal triggers. As a result, users show up without any external prompting.”

With that kind of focus, Eyal is reaching for the speaking gigs at Google. The business bottom line bent is evident throughout. Eyal even quotes Warren Buffett:

“You can determine the strength of a business over time by the amount of agony they go through in raising prices.”

(i.e. If users complain about a price hike, you’re doing it wrong.) Because, make no mistake, that’s what we’re going for with appdev: The Bottom Line. Right? 

Darth isn't a good consultant for your application in development

Darth isn’t a good consultant for your application in development

The Dark Side has cookies

There’s an edict in undergraduate and graduate Psychology education that is oft repeated to students: “Do not use this knowledge for evil.” In other words, we were not to manipulate human beings nor were we to ever work in advertising.

That last part is bit of a joke, but the sentiment was there. We must use hard-earned psychology revelations only to improve the human condition (and not to bilk people of their money, energy or dignity). This ideal is practically an unbreakable cultural norm. I’ve had everyone from teaching assistants to professors to principal investigators on NIMH grants say those exact words to me, usually accompanied with some sort of almost-serious threat of public retribution if I ever took a job at Ogilvy. (I never did!)

I’m sure my professors would think HOOKED is tending toward the dark side, and I’d have to agree. The emphasis could have easily leaned a little more Jedi and still have landed Eyal the Google speaking gigs. In fact, as the core audience for HOOKED is the lowly appdevs, in an ironic and twisted way a little more “for-benefit” focus would have been the more profitable stance for its authors. Appdevs love code, sure. And some are downright greedy. But most appdevs are dreamers. They want to improve people’s lives, not sacrifice souls to be sucked dry at the bottom-line altar of Emperor Palpatine.

Features of the Force

A few years ago, an amazing essay I found on the web changed my life. The author shifted my entire world view of society and “disabled” humans who live in it. Confined to a wheelchair, the author Lisa Egan compared her existence to an application. Like a user can go up to a menu and turn off an application’s features, society had “clicked on her menu” and chose “Disable Lisa.” Lisa is not any lesser of a human, just as disabling a feature doesn’t delete the app. Society has made Lisa’s life less feature-filled. Lisa isn’t the “wrong” one. Society, in its (unconscious or purposeful) design, has rendered Lisa less fully-featured. Until other humans design, say, a sidewalk to contain a ramp, Lisa can’t use that sidewalk. A simple ramp that walking and rolling people can use equally could have been easily added when the township was pouring the concrete, but the township didn’t think of Lisa until well after the curb set.

I was a different person after I read Lisa’s essay. The “social model” design metaphor started leaking into every analysis I did. Now I start any consulting work with the question: What behavior do we want to elicit with this design and what behavior do we want to discourage? The latter half of that question almost never gets asked and answered fully in the world of application development.

Darth Insidious

Appdevs and founders don’t seem to think of troll-prevention/safe space as the focus of design. When dealing with Humans, safe space should be PRIORITY #1. A whole world of learning theory exists around the concept of safety. Basically it says that learners must feel safe before their brains can absorb new information well.

Going forward, no app will survive unless they take this concept seriously. (I use “safe space” here to refer to ease of use, freedom from abuse, reporting system, flagging systems, moderation, etc. in re: trolling, harassment, etc., I’m not talking about ”hand-holding” or “trigger warnings” or respectful challenges to one’s viewpoint in discussions. Detractors take “safe space” to extremes and perhaps aren’t familiar with what it really means).

Twitter, an oft-mentioned example in HOOKED, is a painful instance of ignoring human needs. Just recently the service was lambasted, again, for its lack of addressing trolling. Twitter founders have said idiotic things about “free speech” while celebrities like Leslie Jones are crushed under illegal hate acts. Code can take care of this (or, at least a good bit of it). Twitter is either too lazy, too cheap, or too evil to adequately address the problem with code or even after-the-fact policy. But hey, they got their cookies on everyone’s phones, right?

The amazing irony of this story lies in what the Darth Capitalists don’t get: Trolls affect the bottom line. Over time, a user will move away from Twitter or any other (overly) trolled sites, no matter how strong that user’s habit has become. Right now Twitter thinks it is more profitable to sacrifice Ms. Jones (or other abused users) than to actively redesign against trolling. At the end of the day isn’t a decision that will “scale,” as they say in the appdev world. Twitter has been losing its luster and its money, for years, and it surely isn’t getting either of those back any time soon.

In contrast, Reddit discovered it must rely on the services of volunteer moderators or die. Granted, Reddit still has a troll issue but the site is still up because it’s actively addressing the need for safe spaces. (No-one knows what will happen if the volunteers run out but if you read HOOKED, you’ll learn how “The Benefits of the Tribe” pretty much guarantees Reddit a steady supply of unpaid moderators).

Balance in the Force

Ryan Hoover, the co-author on this book, went on to found a website/app called Product Hunt, an early-adopter heaven where users connect with other users by sharing new apps while collecting one-upmanship points and techy street cred. I’m not an avid user of the app, so I can’t surmise the revenue model for it. Let’s assume, though, that Mr. Hoover designed Product Hunt for fellow early-adopters, the people who share his love for supporting worthy efforts in the world of tech.

Why would a founder like that, or Nir Eyal, for that matter, a founder himself, write the following paragraph about “Increasing Customer Lifetime Value” (which, I feel, perfectly sums up HOOKED: HOW TO BUILD HABIT-FORMING PRODUCTS)?:

“Fostering consumer habits is an effective way to increase the value of a company by driving higher customer lifetime value (CLTV): the amount of money made from a customer before that person switches to a competitor, stops using the product, or dies. User habits increase how long and how frequently customers use a product, resulting in higher CLTV.”

My only guess is they set out to help devs up their game. In his new book Misbehaving: The Making of Behavioral Economics, super-famous economist Richard H. Thaler says the old model of thinking of a market as a humanless optimizer has led to nothing but disastrous policy and even worse financial ruin. HOOKED needs a follow-up, pronto, that looks at appdev the way the new study of Behavioral Economics looks at economies: It begins with the basic unit of an imperfect, fragile, fighting and marvelous, “misbehaving” human before it takes step 1.

Because if tech continues on this path, we lowly users will all become padawans at the mercy of Vader’s saber, and there will never be balance in the Force. Or, at least, tech that moves humanity forward.



Nir Eyal, HOOKED‘s author, read this review. He sent me an email pointing out his chapter on ethics in design. He said (I have his permission to add this quote):

Regarding ethics, this is a topic [I] care about deeply and I’m surprised you didn’t mention that I devoted an entire chapter to the ‘Morality of Manipulation,’ even including a decision matrix to help designers figure out how to spend their time. Up to you of course if you think it’s worth mentioning.”

The chapter Eyal mentions is the 6th out of 8. Its actual title is “What Are You Going to Do with This?.” The title “The Morality of Manipulation” is a subheader after the initial chapter introduction. In it, Eyal offers 4 categories in a matrix by which an appdev can judge their motives in design: Facilitators, Peddlers, Entertainers and Dealers.The chapter didn’t strike me as groundbreaking. Perhaps if it was entitled something akin to “Rule #1: Don’t be a jerk” and it was Chapter One, I would have been more impressed.

Here’s the matrix, but you’ll need to read the book to get the full meaning:

Screen Shot 2016-08-27 at 9.52.25 PM

The next chapter…

In a move that demonstrates his knowledge of “framing” research (a psych trick used to influence decisions), Eyal’s next chapter is an in-depth look at the Bible App. Eyal offers a good case study, but a non-secular example in any general audience business book is … uncommon. Eyal himself uses said Bible App and he adds his experiences to the chapter. This is problematic, and it took extra effort to read it.

I question, too, the decision to add a 10-plus-page religious app case study (with tongue-in-cheek religious subheadings) when the book is directed toward a western tech audience, which, demographically, tends to show higher incidence of non-religious identity than the general population. That decision alone makes me wonder what the author is really trying to do with the book (or how the editors let it slip through). <-Not usually the state in which you want to leave a reader. I do admit, though, as a case study, it isn’t bad. It’s just inappropriate.

Nir Eyal asked I add these links to his work on the morality in design. I share them because any discussion that encourages appdevs and founders to think ethically about design is worth noting.





Links (I don’t like using hyperlinks within text):

Darth Photo credit: My friend Danie Ware on Flickr

Lisa Egan’s XOJane article

The books on Indie Bound:

Hooked: How to Build Habit-Forming Products by Nir Eyal with Ryan Hoover (cover photo from IndieBound)

Misbehaving: The Making of Behavioral Economics by Richard H. Thaler

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