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Pirate Parenting now available as a free e-reader download.

Cap’n Billy “The Butcher” McDougall’s Guide to Pirate Parenting by veteran writer Tim Bete is a short but sweet parody of parenting books. Within its pages is sage wisdom such as this:

What should my pirate know about fire safety?
There is only one thing your pirate needs to know: Never fire until the captain gives the order. Firing without orders is punishable by 16 lashes.

But even as a parody, it contains some solid advice:

Discipline isn’t punishment.
Remember, there’s a difference between discipline and punishment. The role of discipline is to teach your pirate the appropriate way to act. The role of punishment is to get prisoners to tell you where their booty is hidden.

There’s also solid advice about common kid ailments like cuts and bruises, viruses and what to do with picky eaters. The book covers the range from newborn to the end of the teenage years. It’s amusing and clever and keeps the pirate gag going throughout. I can see this book as a great shower gift for dads (who are usually ignored in the pre-baby process and parties). Just tell your friends to skip the (bit tedious) intro and get right into studying the nitty gritty of Pirate Parenting.

Get a paper book copy today via ThinkGeek‘s website or download the free e-book.