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I hate buying cars. Even purple ones.

IMG_5843I need a new car. A few models stick out in mind but none I want to seriously commit to, so I’d like a lease.

Buying a car is probably the smarmiest, unpleaseantest shopping experience there is. Expecting honesty and integrity from a car salesman is like expecting garbage not to stink. It’s just plain silly.

But I’m silly like that. I want to be able to buy a car like I buy anything else: on my own, prices compared, deals secured, etc. Why I must interface with humans is beyond me.

This past weekend, I visited a local dealership and was assigned a salesperson. I said, “Listen, you don’t have to spend much time because I am not buying a car today. I want to look at some models. That’s it.”

Now: The guy has heard this before. Probably half the sales they make are to people who say this very thing but yet, magically, end up leaving with a new car. But that person wasn’t me. I was very honest. (Skipping ahead: I didn’t get a car. I said I wouldn’t, and I didn’t.)

The salesman was actually a normal person and very helpful. He dealt me not a lot of bullshit, if any. In fact, he introduced me to a model I didn’t even know existed and is now in the running. Not bad. The problem came when he asked me to just let his manager know I wasn’t buying today. I’m sure this is probably a sales tactic, but I know the pressure on car salesmen is pretty tough so I didn’t mind taking the opportunity to give my guy good reviews.

His boss, though, the “Sales Manager” as it said on his card, was an ass. In an attempt to steer me away from a lease, he told this story about his teen putting 8800 miles over 2 months on a new lease with a 12000 mile limit. I just smiled and said, “Wow.” In my head, I did the rough math on that doozy of a tale.

8800 miles divided by 60 days is about 146-147 miles a day. If a driver averages 55 miles an hour over those roughly 146ish miles, that would add up to more than 2.5 hours of driving a day. Almost all weekday commuting drivers do not spend that much time in the car.

Maybe the kid was Ubering or Lyfting? That could be 3 hours a day of driving. Or a few hours during the week and a ton on the weekends. I looked up some stats on Uber drivers. Half of them work about 15 hours a week. From Time.com:

“How many hours do you drive Uber a week?

Not that many, to be honest. A majority (51%) of Uber drivers work 15 hours a week or fewer. Only 19% of us are really driving full-time (35 hours per week and more) compared with 81% of regular taxi drivers and chauffeurs.”

The kid was commuting, Ubering, AND taking long weekend trips, you say? OK. Here’s my next question: how did this mileage pile-up slip the notice of a man who is an experienced car sales manager? For two months? He didn’t notice his kid was gone that much? He didn’t check the car after a month? Perhaps he lied and his kid isn’t a teen but an adult. How could any adult not know the terms of his car lease?

So many holes, so many lies.

Car salesmen think women can’t do math.

I may not go back to that dealership just because of this stupid-ass story. It’s insulting. Even if it were true, it’s too unbelievable to tell to a person you’re trying to sell a car to. They’ll just assume were giving them the hard sell.

Sure, garbage stinks, and I can’t expect it not to. But you know what I do with garbage? I throw it away.



P.S. The color of the car may or may not make a difference. There aren’t too many purple cars out there… We’re a rare bunch. 🙂



Time’s FAQs from an Uber Driver