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Sacco Sunk

With issuing a crappy, insincere apology after her decidedly insensitive-at-best, racist-at-worst tweet (“I’m going to Africa. Hope I don’t gets AIDS. Just kidding. I’m white.”), Justine Sacco is proving to be even more annoying than she seemed when she was offline but going viral while flying on an airplane to see her father in his native South Africa (to be sure, a picture of her racist background, i.e. her father participating in the white flight from South Africa, is emerging).

The “duh” moment, of course, is that a Public Relations executive should know better than to tweet something so easily vilifying. Also, a seasoned PR person should know that one shouldn’t tweet anything immediately before going offline for over 12 hours. The marketing community on Twitter are all still in shock over the obvious gaffe perpetrated by a very senior exec at a ginormous NYC media company like IAC.

Digging Deeper

sign from the UK that says "judges walk"Enough has been written already about those obvious takeaways. What I’d like to talk about in the Justine Sacco saga is not Justine herself (whom I think should take this opportunity to learn from Jason Alexander’s example and really examine her belief systems) but rather the process through which we vilify and summarily judge other humans online and off.

Many newspapers, including Valleywag that broke Ms. Sacco’s tweet, wrote stories just around three facts: 1. The tweet itself. 2. Ms. Sacco’s job 3. Ms. Sacco’s inability to see the firestorm brewing online because she was on a long, signal-less international flight.

When I saw the tweet, I immediately understood what the hubbub was about but I could also see the tweet in a “compassion fatigue” context. I could read it with a tone of thinly-guised despair, like “South Africa’s high disparity between the number of white women and the number of black women who contract HIV is very upsetting to me, so I must joke about it.” I often joke (only in private with my husband) in that sarcastic manner about things that break my heart, like racism, poverty, etc. John Stewart makes a living joking sarcastically, teetering on the thin line between appropriate and shocking. I went with my merciful view of Ms. Sacco’s tweet and Ms. Sacco herself. Until I found out more.

Burying the Garbage

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Wake-up Call

In my early-morning haze, I opened an emailed receipt that showed a $95 transaction for an e-book purchase. I summoned my young teen in a panic. “Did you buy this!?” Ridiculously over-priced listings on Amazon or eBay exist and I thought she inadvertently bought the wrong copy of a school reading requirement. My daughter reflexively denied buying anything. She didn’t even recognize the book title. That’s when I started waking up. This is why we shouldn’t check email in the early hours, and why we shouldn’t check email using mobile.

Full Client

When using Chrome (or other browsers), I depend on the hover feature. Hold your cursor over a link, and the link’s URL address pops up in a window. This allows you to read the contents of the link without having to click through to its site. Absolutely essential in the fight against spoofing and other email scams, the link hover feature doesn’t work on touch screen devices like my iPhone. Our behavioral switch toward mostly using mobile computing hasn’t escaped the bad guys who know we check links before we click and that pre-checking a link on mobile isn’t possible. Plus, they count on us being tired and distracted when we check email. So they devise and design clever spoofs like this:

an email that looks like it comes from the Apple Store

Looks legit. It isn’t. The offer of a refund would’ve NEVER come from Apple!

 

My daughter returned to her room to finish preparing for the school day (probably rolling her eyes at me as she went). I scooted over to my laptop. I [continue reading…]

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11 Awkward Things About Email

This is fantastic:

wait but why: 11 Awkward Things About Email

The folks at waitbutwhy.com have perfectly broken down present-day email etiquette. They take us through the subtleties of the ellipse-ending, the concentric circles of trust, how to tell if you’re someone’s subordinate and more:

If someone you’re emailing with:
– is making typos and you’re not
– is skipping punctuation and you’re not
– is skipping capitals and you’re not
– is taking a long time to reply and you’re not
– is responding to your long, well-written emails with much shorter responses
Then you’re their bitch.
Unequal email power dynamics can happen for many reasons—a professional ladder discrepancy, an age discrepancy, a “customer’s always right” situation, a thing where many people are all emailing one person—but usually, it’s that the person writing the high-quality email wants/needs something from the person writing the low-quality email. Simple as that.

 

 

It’s brilliant stuff, delivered via stick figure cartoons. Go take a look.

ellipseswaitbutwhy
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Missing pieces: Why you don’t feel grateful

woman's face with red, yellow, white, green and blue puzzle pieces painted on, with a missing piece around her right eye

GIVE THANKS! NOW!

Today is Thanksgiving Day (in the US). A common tradition is taking a moment during dinner when each person reports one thing for which she is grateful. I don’t like this tradition.

Gratitude cannot be forced. When I was growing up in catholic school, the nuns, priests and lay teachers drilled the guilt of gratitude all day, everyday. We were to be thankful for everything, it seemed: for our fortune (good or bad), our health, our siblings, our parents, our school lunches (this was just plain nonsense – that food was horrible). I struggled with this message. If I dared admit I felt no gratitude for any of those things, I was condemned. The same message was delivered at home. Even society had a whole day dedicated to making me feel guilty about lacking gratitude.

Fast forward 2 decades, the onset of the Internet and Web, and the message is truly everywhere. Positive psychology gurus insist a “gratitude journal” is an essential part of daily happiness. A common social media meme is “3 great things about today” posts. Articles on news sites and blogs praise the supposed magical effects of infusing gratitude into work and life. Refusing to participate in these contrived displays of goodness will earn you a “grumpy” or “self-centered” label.

True gratitude cannot be coerced. It cannot be solicited. Gratitude isn’t delivered through shaming or condemnation. The question isn’t, “How selfish can she be that she shows no gratitude?” The question is, “What piece of her puzzle is missing that keeps her from feeling grateful?”

Missing pieces

Gratitude is the picture that emerges when a puzzle is complete. Being grateful flows naturally from a full heart and a solid spirit. If someone isn’t [continue reading…]

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January 2019 UPDATE: Since writing this review, I’ve learned a bit about the difference between guilt and shame. If I could write it again, I’d make that distinction more clear. For example, I would add that Bellman felt shame as a child for his situation (which was out of his control) and later he felt guilt, for his actions or the lack of them. For more about shame, seek out expert Brené Brown.

bellmanblackcover

“You will have seen rooks.”

Warning: //spoilers//

In the follow-up to her smashing debut novel The Thirteenth Tale, Diane Setterfield starts out Bellman & Black with a quote by Mark Cocker in Crow Country:

“You will have seen rooks.
 Don’t be put off by any sense of familiarity.
 Rooks are enveloped in a glorious sky-cloak of mystery.
 They’re not what you think they are.”

This is Dr. Setterfield’s hint to us, the readers, that her 2nd novel is not what we, at first impression, think it is.

picture of a black bird squawkingReviewers have been indeed put off by a sense of familiarity with the book’s themes of death and grief. So enamored are readers by William’s killing of the rook and Bellman’s elaborate theater of grief that they miss Setterfield’s point entirely.

Despite missing the point, some readers still manage to love the book. Setterfield’s deft turn of phrase, her grasp of the historical milieu, her haunting rook observations, are enchanting in themselves. Although some reviewers do get close to understanding the mind of the rook, most are too mercifully lost in the details of William’s story to personally experience the extreme level of creepiness Setterfield delivers.

Yes, I said mercifully lost. A reader enthralled by the surface of this story doesn’t feel her own rooks right behind her.

Here’s the point everyone seems to be missing: Bellman & Black is not about death. It isn’t about grief. It’s about guilt. It’s about the guilt we all have. It’s about the regret that destroys us, and how we humans, in what looks like folly to Thought & Memory, attempt to press our guilt and regret away, as if we can iron wrinkles out of the fabric of time.

Let me explain.

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